Baby DonDon Goes Ballistic

Watching Donald Trump melt down on Tuesday in front of the press at Trump Tower finally clarified something. He reminds me of nothing so much as your neighbor’s awful five-year-old son who has never been disciplined.

You know the type. You want to scream at the parents, but you can’t. You want to throttle the kid as a public service, but you know that’s not allowed. (Why not?) Finally, you just hope providence will intervene and the kid gets flattened by a crosstown bus. Trump is the five-year-old who hasn’t yet been squashed by the M57, who’s oh so proud of being the loutish snot no one can control.

Briefly, here’s what happened. Baby DonDon pooped his pants and the press noticed. At first, he denied it. Then he assailed the press for discussing the non-issue. As the smell got worse, he admitted there was poop in his pants but said the evil, “dishonest” press had put it there while he was busy doing a good deed. (This reminds me of a wonderfully disgusting Gilbert Gottfried joke, but I will not go there.)

Trump lied so baldly and insulted the press so venomously that even the editorial page of the Wall Street Journal compared him to enemies-list-keeper Richard Nixon and questioned whether you wanted this guy anywhere near the nuclear codes. Trust me, if they’re not mentioning China or Russia, you don’t want to be compared to Richard Nixon.

Finally, one beleaguered reporter at the Donniebrook asked if a President SmellyPants would abuse the press in this way and Trump said the equivalent of, “Yeah, asshole.”

The Donnie was so upset because the press caught him lying yet again and, for a change, pressed the issue. Led by the Washington Post, reporters found that the $6 million Trump said he raised for veterans in January—when he boycotted the Fox debate because he was terrified that a Megyn Kelly question might cause him to soil his boxers—hadn’t all found its way to the vets. By Monday May 23, vets had received only $3.1 million. And the $1 million check Baby DonDon promised on network TV? It was a no-show.

Last Monday—four months late—the Deceitful One finally cut a check. Now the vets have received $5.6 million. Allegedly.

Why did Trump wait so long? Well, he’s always been a notoriously slow payer and has been known to stiff charities. (Trump University, of all things, was initially supposed to be a philanthropic venture, but Donnie pocketed $5 million anyway.) And many of us know we’ll never see his tax returns because his cash flow isn’t nearly as robust as he wants us to think and because most, if not all, of his charitable contributions are non-cash gifts like free rounds of golf. Not that I don’t appreciate that, because there’s nothing a vet in a wheelchair wants more than a free round of golf.

Tuesday was a watershed for the DonDon/press dynamic. Reporters no longer seemed thrilled just to be allowed in the same room as the worst candidate to head a major political ticket in the history of the United States. They stopped according him the respect he never deserved. And the people who bet on politics noticed. The Democrats were 65/35 favorites to win the presidency before the Trump Tower debacle according to PredictWise. Now its 71/29. That’s a huge move in such a short time.

In Michael D’Antonio’s Never Enough: Donald Trump and the Pursuit of Success, the author quotes Trump as saying, “you can’t respect people because most people aren’t worthy of respect.”

After watching his grotesque performance on Tuesday, those words resonate. He deserves what he’s always given President Obama and the truth.

No respect.

Can you imagine the tantrum he’ll throw when he loses in November?

I can’t wait.

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